Years later, as I sat in the car with Stephen, all this came flooding back. The weight of failure—which I knew all too well—looked like it was crushing the talented, driven man I loved.
Sonia, I told myself. You’ve been there before. This is exactly why you became a coach. Do something!
“It’s just so freaking hard, ” Stephen had just said.
“Well, what if it’s not?” I blurted out. “What if it were easy?”
At first, he didn’t respond. He just looked at me like I was an alien.
“What?” he said.
I waited.
“It’s not, ” he said. “How could you even ask that? You know it’s not even close to easy. ”
“But what if it were? What would you do?”
He did something unexpected then: he started to laugh. I don’t know if it was out of sheer overwhelm, or the ridiculousness of the question, or what. But in that moment, the car felt a little less hot, and the panic rolled back, just a little.
In that tiny break from the pressure and heat, I could almost see Stephen’s mind open up, just enough to let in this radical new possibility. He actually tried it on for size instead of dismissing it.
After a minute, the answer came.
“If it were easy, I’d start my own company, ” he said, sitting up straighter.
My eyebrows shot up. This was different than anything we’d ever talked about. In light of that answer, the whole energy in the car changed. His body language returned to that of the confident man I knew. In his voice there was a sense of possibility. Both his mind and his body chemistry were opening up, rather than shutting down.
And that I could work with.
“What would that look like?” I said. “How is that done?”
“Well, I’d call up Mike and see if he wanted in, ” he said. “Then I’d . . . I don’t know. Form an LLC. Start pitching. ”
In that strange, in-between place of both lightness and seriousness, Stephen and I talked through the logistics. It was all hypothetical, but it was also pragmatic down to the last detail. If he were going to start a company, what steps would he take? What did he already have going for him? What did he need? What could he do today to get started?
I kept the questions coming, and with them came more answers. In ways neither of us understood, he already had so much of this in his mind, waiting to be set free.
Stephen moves pretty fast. The next day, he called a partner, and they met up. Within weeks, he’d started a TV production company. And within a year, he hit his mark: he made one million dollars.
I’m serious.
Seriously. What if It Were Easy?
That was the first time I stumbled upon this question. Just five little words, which I blurted out in response to “It’s hard. ” And they changed everything. Our entire life, the life our children would know, everything changed with those words.
I didn’t fully know it then, but those words gave life to Stephen’s company—and mine too.
Since then, I’ve used the question a hundred times, with friends, family, clients, my kids, my employees, with Stephen, and yes, myself. Each time—whenever the person answers sincerely and truthfully—it has that same uncanny effect, that almost tangible shift in energy we experienced that day in the car.
One reason this question is so effective is that it helps people uncover what they really want. It opens up the door for them to say what they would do in a world without barriers. Instead of seeing roadblocks, this question helps you see your destination.
Imagine a life without detours.
Imagine a life without all the walls we build up between ourselves and our dreams.
Can you picture it? Can you see yourself living a life very different than the one you have now?
Surprisingly, it’s harder than it should be. Dreaming is one thing, but to really see the specific future you want, and to believe you can get there enough to go after it, feels like scaling a mountain.
Usually, we’re so used to the roadblocks that we stop even looking for our destination.
Usually, we’re so focused on the barriers, we forget that it’s possible to overcome them.
Which is why so many of us are stuck.
Which is why I built my whole business around getting unstuck.